Journey Through Grief

I remember the first time I grieved over something. I was probably about 12. My pet hermit crab, Hermie, had died. I was so sad! I remember having a funeral for it and it was many years before I even thought of replacing him.

Over the years, I have experienced many different kinds of grief. There was the time my parents relationship was on the rocks. I remember crying out to God, asking why we needed to go through this hard time. I grieved over the pain I saw in my parent's life and also when I desired to have a better relationship with them myself. Another time I grieved was in college. I had a HUGE crush on a guy who was so incredible. He went from paying attention to me, to not acknowledging me in any way. The grief from that situation caused me to go into a depression for several months.

More recently, I have experienced grief over the many different changes I have had over the past few years. It really came to a head recently when we went through a staffing change at work. I began to grieve for the loss of, or rather the changing of, friendships, for the situation the church is in, and also for the transition that is to follow. When I began to grieve for those things, I also realized that I really hadn't grieved for things that have happened to me in the past, for the loss of dreams, for where I pictured my life to be now and where it really is. Grief can take many different forms.

When I think about grief, I think of change. What ever causes me to grieve also causes me to change, my situations to change, and those around me to change. Change can be so very difficult. But I am always encouraged and comforted when I remember the verses in Isaiah 43, especially verses 18 & 19. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." God is making things new. In order to make things new, there must be change. I don't want to be caught in the same patterns. Again, change and grief make me stronger.

I remember when I was in about the 5th grade. I was experiencing pain in my legs every night. Some nights I needed to have them massaged, other nights, nothing would take away the pain. I know they were growing pains. I needed these pains to become the height I am today, (not that I am very tall. :)) The same with the pains that come from growing in Christ. Change and grief are part of the growing pains needed to depend more on Him for the strength I need to face the change in my life. He continues to prove Himself trustworthy to be there to hold me in my grief. I am comforted knowing that I can grieve in my Father's arms.

Journey Continues...

I am in the middle of making a decision. A decision that would require me to step out of my comfort zone, in more ways than one, and totally depend on God to supply my needs. Can I do that? I am trying to figure out where the line is between faith and stupidity, or as my mom would say, practicality. In this process I keep thinking of Peter walking on the water. It was pretty stupid (or impractical), but Jesus proved Himself trustworthy. So my question then becomes, what if the decision I make isn't the right one? Is there a right one? Can God bless both decisions? People have told me that recently, that both decisions are good ones. Can that be? I have always thought that there was a right decision and a wrong decision. They both weren't right. But does God still bless the wrong one? So many questions!

A friend is taking a financial leave of absence. He has small children and a mortgage. How can he do that, I ask? Because he remembers how God has been faithful in the past. He knows that God will be faithful in supplying his needs. I want that kind of faith. I need that kind of faith.

Father, help me have that kind of faith in all areas of my life! Help me to get out of the boat!